Course Leader Planning Pack

Emotionally Healthy Relationships

Emotionally Healthy Discipleship provides a solid foundation for a discipleship strategy

that deeply changes people’s lives.

We call this the Emotionally Healthy Discipleship Course, a 16-week course with 2-

parts:

First, through Emotionally Healthy Spirituality people slow down their lives to cultivate their

own deep relationship with Jesus and stop living off the spirituality of others.

Second, Emotionally Healthy Relationships equips people with practical, relationship skills

to truly love others like Jesus.

The EH Discipleship Course format provides a structure for sustaining the quality of the content

through required training of leaders who can launch people into serious discipleship with Jesus.

It also ensures the long-term integration of a discipleship model that will penetrate every

aspect of the church.

This packet contains my own personal planning notes, power point slides and schedules, which

I have updated and revised as I lead both parts of the EH Discipleship Course at New Life

Fellowship.

May God bless you as you do this slow, hard work of discipleship with your people. And, as a

result, may the world be filled with the glory of Jesus.

Blessings,

Pete

Lead the Emotionally Healthy Discipleship Course

Table of Contents

Checklist for Churches Running the EH Discipleship Course

Pg 4

Build Your Team: Intro

Pg 5

EH Relationships Job Descriptions

Pg 6

Resources for Expanded Study

Pg 10

Mastering the Essentials to Lead EH Relationships

Pg 11

Video Resources for Training Your Team

Pg 13

Leading EH Relationships

Pg 14

Sample Schedule & Session Planning Pack

Pg 15

Sample Emails

Pg 34

Sample PPT

Pg 42

Feedback Form

Pg 43

Table Leader Feedback Form

Pg 45

Certificate of Completion

Pg 46

Genogram Sheet

Pg 47

Silence & Stillness in EH Relationships

Pg 48

Leading the Daily Office

Pg 49

Silence & Stillness Card

Pg 52

Top Ten FAQs about Practicing Silence

Pg 54

Video Resources for Silence & Stillness

Pg 58

Marketing Materials

Pg 59

Resources for Marketing EH Relationships

Pg 61

Video Resources for Marketing EH Relationships

Pg 62

Thank You!

Pg 63

Build Your Team

In this section, you will find resources to build and prepare your team to lead the EH

Relationships portion of the EH Discipleship Course.

These include:

• Job descriptions for key volunteers and leaders. Please reference these as

you build your team and plan for the Course.

• Resources for expanded and deeper study on the themes explored in EH

Relationships.

• Tips for mastering the essentials of EH Relationships as you lead each of

the eight sessions.

• A link to video tutorials on preparing your team.

We’ve prayerfully prepared these materials to equip you to build your team and pilot

or launch this portion of the EH Discipleship Course. If you have any questions, please

don’t hesitate to reach out to your Course Coach, who will be happy to assist you.

Emotionally Healthy Discipleship Course

Job Descriptions

Point Leader

Summary: To provide spiritual, pastoral and administrative leadership for The EH

Relationships Course, including the gathering and training of a Course Team.

Job Description

Review the “How to Run the EH Discipleship Course” booklet,

included in the EH Discipleship Course Leader’s Kit (available in the

shop at www.emotionallyhealthy.org) to prepare and plan your Course.

Recruit and coordinate your core team: Table Leaders, Table

Leader Coordinator (if applicable), and Administrator.

Before the Course, it is essential you experience the skills yourself by

going through the material with a partner. Watch the video and go through

the workbook together, practicing each skill.

Determine the schedule and timing for each session.

Prepare the Power Point.

Prepare and model a Daily Office to open each meeting using the

Day by Day devotional, (or delegate it, preparing another person to lead

it).

Conduct a 1-hour training for your Table Leaders.

Communicate weekly with the Table Leaders (or delegate to the

Table Leader Coordinator).

Send out a weekly e-mail to all participants after each session.

10.

regular contact with an EH Discipleship Coach.

EH Relationships

Emotionally Healthy Discipleship Course

Job Descriptions

Table Leader

Personal Qualifications

• Committed follower of Jesus

• Growing in openness, approachability, and self-awareness

• Able to listen empathically to others

• Not highly reactive

• Respect people’s different spiritual journeys

• Be sensitive to people’s different personalities temperaments, and life experiences.

Job Description

1. Prepare Yourself. Arrive emotionally and spiritually ready to serve the

group, not harried, anxious, frenetic or exhausted.

2. Before the Course, it is essential you experience the skills yourself by

going through the material with a partner. Watch the video and go through the

workbook together, practicing each skill.

3. Extend and Receive Welcome. Be a “yes” face, i.e. warm and open. See

yourself as the host as if welcoming them into your home.

4. Gently Enforce the Guidelines to create an environment that is open and safe.

5. Remain Connected with the Group. Praying for your group and touching

base weekly via email/text/phone.

6. Closely Monitor the Timing. Be careful not to speak too much. Move people

along when necessary. Be flexible when the timing is thrown off. Interrupt

respectfully.

7. Refer Difficult Situations and/or people to Point Leader or Table Leader

Coordinator.

8. Participate in Debriefs with the Table Leader Coordinator and/or Point

Leader as necessary.

EH Relationships

Emotionally Healthy Discipleship Course

Job Descriptions

Table Leader Coordinator

Summary: To equip and support the Table Leaders in building community and

making disciples within their group.

• Pray for your Table Leaders.

• Do the Daily Offices weekly so you can share out of your own struggles

and learnings.

• Identify and equip the Table Leaders at least 4 weeks prior to the Course.

o Meet with the Table Leaders the week before beginning for last minute

details and prayer.

o Make sure Table Leaders are calling, texting, e-mailing their people

weekly.

o Touch base with Table Leaders for 5-10 minutes after each session for

feedback.

• Determine the make-up of each group (what Table Leader might be best

for different people), praying and strategizing for the long-term building of

the larger ministry.

• Monitor each group for “extra-grace required” people that may be

adversely affecting a group, people in crisis beyond the Table Leader’s

capacity, and/or dual role conflicts. (e.g. We recommend young adults or

teens are not in the same group with their parents).

Emotionally Healthy Discipleship Course

Job Descriptions

Administrator

Summary: To oversee the support needed for the EH Course Leader, Table

Leaders, and participants before and during the Course.

• Meet the EH Course Leader and Table Leader Coordinator to set up a

timeline and to-do list.

• Registration – Set up on your website and in person registration 3-4

months before the Course begins.

o Select a registration person at the Course for the first 2 weeks to

• Materials - Order the books from the EH Discipleship website 3 months

before so people can purchase the participant books. Set up a scholarship

fund if needed.

o Set up people to run a book table with materials the first 2 weeks of the

Course.

o Offer other materials (EH Relationships Teaching DVD’s or EH

Spirituality DVD’s) for sale at a book table

• Marketing - initiate beginning 8 weeks before the Course.

o Website

o Print

o Videos (see EH Discipleship website)

• Hospitality – Create a hospitable environment.

o Model snacks for Week 1 and then have each Table Leader set up for

one person within the group per week to do the snack for their table.

(Have the church provide coffee, tea and water).

o Provide nametags for each table.

• Technology – Practice prior to the meeting

o Make sure Power Point is ready 2 hours before with needed equipment

for video/PP.

• Any extra handouts/materials. You want to prepare these 1-day before

the meeting.

• Keep attendance to know who completes the class. Monitor weekly.

• Make sure every Table Leader takes attendance.

• Pass out Certificates of Completion for EH Relationships at the

end of the course to all who completed the course. You may find

those Certificates in the Session Planning section of this packet.

Resources for Expanded and Deeper Study

The Emotionally Healthy Church: Expanded and Revised Edition - Pete Scazzero

The Emotionally Healthy Leader - Pete Scazzero

The Emotionally Healthy Woman – Geri Scazzero

Church History Matters – E-Book – Pete Scazzero

www.emotionallyhealthy.org/churchhistory

Pete’s Sermons at www.emotionallyhealthy.org/media/sermons/

EH Relationships

A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward and Undivided Life – Parker Palmer

Boundaries: When to Say Yes. How to Say No. Find Boundaries - Cloud and Townsend

How We Love: Expanded Edition - Milan and Kay Yerkovich

Where God Happens: Discovering Christ in One Another – Rowan Williams

From Brokenness to Community - Jean Vanier

Changes that Heal - Henry Cloud

EH Relationships Day by Day – Filled with devotional readings on this theme.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 – Bradberry and Greaves

Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age – Sherry Turkle

Each Session in The Emotionally Healthy Discipleship Course (Part 1 and 2) contains

within it key moments and learnings which need emphasis and focus.

Leading the Daily Office Each Week at Your Course

In each week of the Course you will be faced with the important task of leading a Daily

Office. The spiritual practice of silence and stillness is the most difficult part of the

Courses for most people. Thus, it is important that you prepare brief teachings for the 1-3

minutes you will have before you do the Office. See the Leading the Daily Office portion

of this packet for 13 different ways you can best utilize those 1-3 minutes.

Emotionally Healthy Relationships

Remember, the eight skills serve as the training wheels of a bicycle to help people unlearn

unhealthy habits from their family of origin and learn to love others well in the new family of

Jesus. The goal is that, eventually, they will no longer need the training wheels (the skills)

because they have so internalized their ability to love like Jesus in different contexts under

stress.

Community Temperature Reading

• Encourage resistant people to hang in there with the structure in the beginning. We

are seeking to redo, literally, generations of unhealthy behaviors that are

unconsciously a part of our relating to others. These are training wheels for a bike.

There will come a time you won’t need them.

• We encourage people to use the sentence stems provided, but it is okay to use

language that gets at the spirit of what’s behind it (e.g. “I’m wondering” instead of

“I’m puzzled.” The point is to avoid judgment).

• Keep the complaints and puzzles light.

• Encourage people to do the Inventory after Week 1 (or before if possible), and then

take it again at the end of the Course.

Stop Mind Reading

• Have lots of recent, personal examples prepared.

• Again, have people use language they are comfortable with if there is a problem

with ours.

Clarify Expectations

• The key moment in this skill is that the expectations be specific enough (i.e. not

vague). Again, have your own examples ready.

Mastering the Essentials to Lead EH Relationships

Genogram Your Family

• Be sure to download a PDF of a blank genogram sheet from our website.

• This is a turning point week. Enlist prayer if possible.

• This skill is purposely limited. Nonetheless, you will want to alert your table leaders to

be particularly sensitive to people who may need a follow up conversation or follow-

up with a pastor/counselor/etc.

• Re-read Chapter 3, “Go Back to Go Forward,” in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality for

a fuller practical and theological perspective.

• Read Chapter 2, “Face Your Shadow,” in The Emotionally Healthy Leader.

Explore the Iceberg

• This Session provides time for you to include testimonies from people applying

one of the skills from the previous Sessions - if you like. You will want to watch

the videos closely as there is a lot of great theology and information worthy of

repeating at the Tables from up front.

• Re-read Chapter 2, “Know Yourself that You May Know God,” in Emotionally

Healthy Spirituality.

Listen Incarnationally (and Speaking)

• Speaking clearly, honestly, respectfully, and in a timely fashion is actually its

own important, mini-skill!

• Help people distinguish between feelings and facts. Be sure you

understand the difference yourself.

• “Feeling felt” is the goal, not parroting another person.

• Consider reading chapter 10, “Make the Incarnation Your Model for Loving Well” in

The Emotionally Healthy Church for an excellent theological overview for this skill.

Climb the Ladder of Integrity

• Make sure people have an issue that is specific, clear, and concrete.

• This high-level skill is all about differentiation. Geri’s The Emotionally Healthy

Woman serves as one long exposition on this very large concept. I highly

recommend you read it as Point Leaders.

Fight Cleanly

• This simple structure builds on the other skills and is revolutionary in its

simplicity to help people negotiate differences.

• Again, make sure the issue is specific and clear.

• Don’t underestimate how difficult this will be for people. Few people have

been discipled in how to fight cleanly.

Video Resources for Training Your Team

We’ve created several video tutorials for training Small Group Table

Leaders and Point Leaders. To access these, click on the Vimeo link

below and use the password provided when prompted.

How to View the Videos:

1. Copy the password below

Password: EHD-TRAIN

2. Click here

https://vimeo.com/album/5061138

3. Enter the password when

prompted

Leading EH Relationships

In this section you will find resources to lead the EH Relationships portion of the EH

Discipleship Course.

These include:

• Sample session schedules for all eight sessions of EH Relationships. This

is a minute-by-minute breakdown of how Pete and our Course Coaches have

led EH Relationships.

• Sample emails to stay in communication with participants between sessions.

We recommend sending an email to all participants following each session

with encouragement and instruction for preparing for the next session.

• A link to download sample PowerPoint presentations for all eight

sessions. These PowerPoint presentations are included to give you a starting

point for preparing your own PowerPoint presentations. Please feel free to

edit as needed for your group.

• A feedback form to use with participants in the final EH Relationships

session. Collecting feedback from participants will allow you to improve

future offerings of EH Relationships.

• The Certificate of Completion for all participants who complete EH

Relationships. These can be printed in color or black and white and filled out

prior to the final session or following completion of EH Relationships.

Please make yourself familiar with these resources before leading EH Relationships.

Keep in mind these are only samples and templates of course schedules and

materials. You may alter these as needed to fit your group’s needs.

Your Course Coach can answer any questions or provide additional direction as

needed.

Emotionally Healthy Relationships

8-Week Session Schedules

Getting Started

This sample schedule is structured for a 2-hour time block. This time includes a

break. So, if you want to do the Course in 1 hour and 45 minutes, you can skip the

break time, break the Table Groups into smaller groups of 2-3 people more often

(and thus shortening the time needed the tables), or possibly skip one or two of the

questions from the Session.

However, we recommend, if possible, a 2-hour block of time as it builds a relaxed

break into the evening. This is a great community builder, especially for the Table

Groups. It also provides time for more specific applications to your group. Geri and

I actually do each class in 2 hour and 15 minutes for greater time for large group

interaction and more expanded applications. Our experience is that once people

start the Courses, they prefer more time not less.

Remember, this schedule is meant to serve as a sample to get you started. The more

familiar you are with the material, the better you will be able to adjust the timing

accordingly.

- Pete

Sample Schedule: first night start 10 minutes late

7:10-7:27 PP Welcome. (Say “hi” to 2-3 people outside your table you don’t know)

• Housekeeping issues (e.g. Mention snack sign-ups at the break

for each table).

• PP Daily Office –Week 1: Day 1, Morning/Midday Office,

pages 25-26. You may want to begin and end with only 1-minute as this

may be people’s first time in this practice.

7:27-7:30 PP Introduce the 8 Sessions. This Week is Session 1.

1. Take Your Community Temperature Reading

2. Stop Mind Reading and Clarify Expectations

3. Genogram Your Family

4. Explore the Iceberg

5. Listen Incarnationally

6. Climb the Ladder of Integrity

7. Fight Cleanly

8. Develop a “Rule of Life” to Implement Emotionally

Healthy Skills.

Read the introduction found on page 24 in your Workbook for Session 1.

7:30-7:35 PP Review from up front the Suggested Guidelines for the

Group on pages 13-14.

Session 1: Take Your Community Temperature Reading

People arrive late first night (e.g. finding location, underestimate how long it

takes to get there).

Note: It is important that you give 2-3 minute introductions before you lead the

Daily Office each week. Suggestions for this can be found in the document: Leading

the Daily Office for The EH Discipleship Courses found in the Free Resources tab

called Silence, Stillness, and Leading the Daily Office. For an explanation of the Daily

Office and why the Day by Day Devotional is so central to the Course, see Pete’s 7-

minute introduction here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jPIU1FkYnw.

You may also want to send this to people as part of the e-mail after your first week.

This is about clarifying expectations for how your table group functions. This

is only done in the first 2 Sessions.

7:35-7:45 PP Growing Connected Question, page

25. (The whole table stays together) 1 min.

each

7:45-7:55 PP Bible Study. Read the introduction and Scripture

text. (Limit to 10 min)

7:55-8:20 Video: Take Your Community Temperature Reading

(Be sure to encourage people to follow along in their workbooks

on pages 26-30).

8:20-8:35 PP Partner Activity: CTR (page 31).

As Point Leader read aloud the instructions listed in the

workbook. The PP has a slide both with the CTR Guidelines and

another PP with the graphic and timing.

8:35-8:45 PP BREAK

8:45-9:00 PP Small Group Sharing (page 31).

The PP clock is set for 10 minutes, but you have an extra 5

minutes here if needed.

9:00-9:06 Video: Closing Summary (page 32).

Refer them to follow along in the notes.

9:06-9:10 PP Personal Action Step and Group Processing

• Give the table groups 1-2 minutes to fill out the Personal

Action Step. (Read it aloud for them before they begin).

• If your Course is scheduled to end at 9:30 this where you

can give them more time for Q&A at their tables, and/ or

ask how they would finish this sentence, “As a result of

tonight’s lesson ‘I am beginning to realize…’”

9:10-9:14 PP Homework

• CTR: practice with a partner 2-3x this week.

• Daily Office: EHR Day by Day Week One

• Pre-Session Reading for Session 2

• Take the Emotional/Spiritual Health Inventory on pages 16-22.

Then they can take it again at the end of the Course to measure

their progress.

9:14-9:15 Closing Words and Prayer

Note: The Emotional/Spiritual Health Inventory is available for free on-line at

www.emotionallyhealthy.org

Note: Since this is the only Session that teaches 2 skills, there are more

stops and starts than with any other Session. It is important that you

become very familiar with flow of the content beforehand.

Sample Schedule:

7:05-7:15 PP Welcome

PP Daily Office –Week 2: Day 3, Morning/Midday Office, pages

59-60. You may want to begin and end w/ only 1-minute of

silence as this may be people’s first time in this practice. Then

next week move to 2-minutes as the Day by Day indicates.

7:15-7:17 PP Introduce the 8 Sessions. This Week is Session 2.

1. Take Your Community Temperature Reading

2. Stop Mind Reading and Clarify Expectations

3. Genogram Your Family

4. Explore the Iceberg

5. Listen Incarnationally

6. Climb the Ladder of Integrity

7. Fight Cleanly

8. Develop a “Rule of Life” to Implement

Emotionally Healthy Skills.

Read the introduction found on page 43 in your Workbook for

Session 2.

7:17-7:23 Review briefly from up front the Suggested

Guidelines for the Group on pages 13-14.

7:23-7:33 PP Growing Connected Questions, page 44.

Session 2: Stop Mind Reading and Clarify Expectations

Note: It is important that you give 2-3 minute introductions before you lead the

Daily Office each week. Suggestions for this can be found in the document:

Leading the Daily Office for The EH Discipleship Courses found on our website in

the Free Resources tab called Silence, Stillness, and Leading the Daily Office.

7:33-7:45 PP Bible Study. Read the introduction and Scripture

text, pages 44-45 (Limit group time to 10 min).

7:45-7:51 PP Skill: Stop Mind Reading

PP Video (Be sure to encourage people to

follow along in their workbooks on pages 45ff).

7:51-7:58 PP Workbook Activity (pages 46-47)

Individual Activity – 2 minutes (Reinforce the Video

instructions here; Then move them to groups of 2).

Partner Activity – 4 min.

7:58-8:10 Resume the Video Clarify Expectations (page 47). Refer

them to the notes.

8:10-8:13 PP Workbook Activity (page 49)

• It’s recommended that the Point Person ask the large

group for 3-4 examples to ensure that the expectation

they are working from is specific enough.

8:13-8:23 PP BREAK

8:23-8:30 Resume the Video (2 min).

As your group watches role plays of people doing the Clarify

Expectations Skill the Wrong and Right Way, it will serve them for

what follows.

8:30-8:45 PP Partner Activity (page 50).

Read the instructions aloud from up front before sending them off.

Note: The goal of question 1 is simply to provide encouragement and “light”

accountability. It underlines the importance of spending time with Jesus as the

foundation of this Course and the entire Christian life. Limit question 1,

however, to 5 minutes because it is only meant to be a check-in. You want to

leave time for the second connection question which will lead them to the

Session’s theme.

e.g. I expected my friend to return my phone vs. I expected my friend to return my

phone call by 6:30 pm yesterday.

e.g. I expected my boss to send me for advanced training vs. I expected my boss to pay

for and send me to advanced training at the Teacher’s Conference last month.

See other examples in the workbook. Have your own examples ready.

8:45-8:55 PP Small Group Sharing (page 51).

8:55-9:00 Video: Closing Summary. Refer them to the notes on page 51.

9:00-9:10 PP Optional Session Wrap-Up and Personal Action Step (page

52).

Give the table groups 1-2 minutes for people to fill out the

Personal Action Step. (Read it aloud for them before they

begin.)

9:10-9:15 PP Homework

• Practice Stop Mind Reading, and Clarify Expectations 2x;

CTR 2x

• HER Day by Day: Week Two

• Pre-Session Reading for Session 3

Closing Words and Prayer

Note: In each Session, if time allows, this is a good place for Q&A at their tables.

This provides “life on life” interaction in the table groups that isn’t practical for

the Course group as a whole.

Sample Schedule:

7:05-7:15 PP Welcome

PP Daily Office –Week 3: Day 4, Midday/Evening Office, pages

95-96.

7:15-7:18 PP Introduce the 8 Sessions. This Week is Session 3.

1. Take Your Community Temperature Reading

2. Stop Mind Reading and Clarify Expectations

3. Genogram Your Family

4. Explore the Iceberg

5. Listen Incarnationally

6. Climb the Ladder of Integrity

7. Fight Cleanly

8. Develop a “Rule of Life” to Implement Emotionally

Healthy Skills.

Read the introduction found on page 61 in your

Workbook for Session 3.

7:18-7:28 PP Growing Connected Questions, page 62.

Question 1: (Possible addition to question 1- Use Red,

Yellow or Green to describe your experience of the Day

by Day this past and why you chose that color).

Question 2: Give examples of “Success” after reading this

question.

7:28-7:38 PP Bible Study. Read the introduction and Scripture text,

pages 62-63).

Session 3: Genogram Your Family

Note: It is important that you give 2-3 minute introductions before you lead

the Daily Office each week. Suggestions for this can be found in the

document: Leading the Daily Office for The EH Discipleship Courses found on

our website in the Free Resources tab called Silence, Stillness, and Leading

the Daily Office.

Note: The goal of question 1 is simply to provide encouragement and “light”

accountability. It underlines the importance of spending time with Jesus as the

foundation of this Course and the entire Christian life. Limit question 1,

however, to 5-minutes because it is only meant to be a check-in. You want to

leave time for the second connection question which will lead them to the

Session’s theme.

7:38-7:53 Video: Genogram Your Family: (Be sure to encourage

people to follow along in their workbooks on pages 63-

64).

A larger, legal size “Genogram Your Family” worksheet can be

found on our EH Relationship Course Free Resources page. You

can make copies of this if you like.

7:53-8:00 Transition them to the individual activity by reading out loud the

introduction to the Individual Activity and steps 1-4.

8:00-8:15 PP Workbook Activity: (pages 64-66).

Individual Activity for people to complete their genograms.

• PP Pete’s Sample Genogram (also on page169).

• You may want to walk around the room to answer any

questions.

• You will want to be sure to read the leader’s notes on

pages 163 and 164 to prepare for this Session.

Additionally, you may want to equip the Small Group

Table Leaders with resources (possibly in a handout) for

those who want to see a counselor, spiritual director,

pastor, an inner healing prayer team, etc. This is often an

important moment for people to take next steps in doing

more serious inner work with God.

• PP Pete’s Sample Genogram

8:15-8:20 PP Partner Activity (page 66).

8:20-8:30 PP BREAK

8:31-8:35 Play the Video

(Be sure to encourage people to follow along in their workbooks

on pages 66-67).

8:35-8:55 PP Workbook Activities (page 68)

• Individual Activity (7 Minutes)

• Small Group Sharing (13 Minutes)

8:55-8:59 Video: Closing Summary

(Refer them to the notes on pages 68- 69)

8:59-9:10 PP Optional Session Wrap-Up and Personal Action Step.

(page 69)

• Give the table small groups 1-2 minutes for people fill out

the Personal Action Step. (Read it aloud for them before

they begin).

• If you have time, give them a couple of minutes for Q & A

at their tables.

PP Homework

▪

Review Your Genogram 1x this coming week.

▪

Do EHR Day by Day: Week Three

▪

Pre-Session Reading for Session 4.

▪

Keep using the Skills: CTR /Stop Mind Reading/Clarify

Expectations

9:10-9:15 Closing Words and Prayer

Consider encouraging people through the story of Joseph and

how God works in, through and in spite of all our histories –

provided we place it all in His hands. You may also want to

encourage people to read Chapter 3 from the book Emotionally

Healthy Spirituality entitled “Go Back to Go Forward.” It provides

larger theological framework for this very important session.

Sample Schedule:

7:05-7:15 PP Welcome

PP Daily Office –Week 4, Midday/Evening Office, pages 95-96.

Note: It is important that you give 2-3 minute introductions before you lead the

Daily Office each week. Suggestions for this can be found in the document:

Leading the Daily Office for The EH Discipleship Courses found in the Free

Resources tab called Silence, Stillness, and Leading the Daily Office.

7:15-7:31 Optional Table Group Time:

There is extra time in tonight’s schedule because this Skill

does not take as much time as some of the others. Table

leaders have their group share around their experience of

practicing and using the skills learned thus far: CTR, Stop

Mind Reading, Clarify Expectations and reviewing their

Genogram.

7:31-7:32 PP Introduce the 8 Sessions. This Week is Session 4.

1. Take Your Community Temperature Reading

2. Stop Mind Reading and Clarify Expectations

3. Genogram Your Family

4. Explore the Iceberg

5. Listen Incarnationally

6. Climb the Ladder of Integrity

7. Fight Cleanly

8. Develop a “Rule of Life” to Implement Emotionally

Healthy Skills.

Read the introduction found on page 79 in your Workbook for

Session 4.

7:32-7:42 PP Growing Connected Questions, page 80

7:42-7:52 PP Bible Study. Read intro. and Scripture text, pages 80-81.

7:52-8:05 Video: Explore the Iceberg:

(Be sure to encourage people to follow along in their

workbooks on page 81).

Session 4: Explore the Iceberg

8:05-8:15 PP Individual Activity pages 82-83.

Read instructions and lead them through 4 questions.

8:15-8:25 PP Small Group Sharing (page 84).

8:25-8:40 PP BREAK (The PP clock gives 10 min. but tonight’s

schedule allows for a 15 min. Break if you like).

8:40-8:47 Optional Testimony:

This is a possible place for a testimony by you as the Point

Leader, or a Table Leader around their Family Commandments

of anger, sadness, fear, joy, etc., and how they are now doing

emotions now in the new family of Jesus.

8:47-8:53 Video: Closing Summary (Refer them to notes on pages 84-85).

8:53-8:56 Optional Session Wrap-Up and Personal Action Step

Personal Action Step. Read it aloud for them (page 85) and give

them 2 minutes to fill in.

8:56-9:05 Optional Table Group Time:

Time for any questions, clarifications or puzzles around what’s

been covered in the Course

9:05-9:10 PP Homework

▪

Explore Your Iceberg 2x in your time with God

▪

EHR Day by Day: Week Four

▪

Pre-Session Reading for Session 5

▪

Keep using CTR /Stop Mind Reading/Clarify Expectations

Closing Words and Prayer

Note: Tonight’s Session could end earlier but we like to use the flexible time

this Session allows for to include more table group connection time (thus a

longer Break), personal testimonies, and table group sharing around how they

are experiencing the Course and using the Skills. These are things that Table

Leaders and Participants had specifically asked for in past evaluations.

Sample Schedule:

7:05-7:18 PP Welcome

PP Daily Office –Week 5: Day 1, Morning/Midday Office, pages 133-

135.

7:18-7:20 PP Introduce the 8 Sessions. This Week is Session 5.

1. Take Your Community Temperature Reading

2. Stop Mind Reading and Clarify Expectations

3. Genogram Your Family

4. Explore the Iceberg

5. Listen Incarnationally

6. Climb the Ladder of Integrity

7. Fight Cleanly

8. Develop a “Rule of Life” to Implement Emotionally Healthy

Skills.

Read the introduction found on page 95 in your Workbook for Session 5.

7:20-7:30 PP Growing Connected Questions, pages 95-96

7:30-7:40 PP Bible Study. Read the introduction and Scripture text, page 96.

7:40-8:00 Video: Listen Incarnationally

(Be sure to encourage people to follow along in their workbooks

on pages 97-99).

8:00-8:30 Workbook Activities

PP Partner Activity (pages 100-101)

IMPORTANT NOTE: More time is given here than given in the workbook. We

are leaving more time for transitions and the reading of the instructions.

• Read the instructions.

Session 5: Listen Incarnationally

Note: It is important that you give 2 – 3-minute introductions before you lead the

Daily Office each week. Suggestions for this can be found in the document: Leading

the Daily Office for The EH Discipleship Courses found in the Free Resources tab

called Silence, Stillness, and Leading the Daily Office.

• PP The question they are answering is found in #3: “What

is the biggest thing impacting you right now? How are you

feeling about it?” Be sure to point to the feelings sheet on

page 171 before they begin.

• Give people time to think about what’s impacting them

before the timer is started.

• We suggest you give 10 minutes for each person during this

skill. Have someone signal for time to switch and restart

Timer.

• PP Timer 10 min.

8:30-8:40 PP Break

8:40-8:55 PP Small Group Sharing (page 101). (We added 5 minutes here.)

8:55-8:59 Video: Closing Summary

8:59-9:02 PP Optional Session Wrap-Up and Personal Action Step

(pages 102- 103).

Give the table small groups 1-2 minutes for people to fill out the Personal

Action Step. (Read it aloud for them before they begin.)

9:02-9:07 Note: Mention the Checklist in the back of the EH Relationships workbook. Encourage

them to begin checking off where they are and to make up any missing segments.

• Buy DVD

9:07-9:11 PP Homework

• Practice Incarnational Listening at least 1x this week.

• Do EHR Day by Day: Week Five

• Pre-Session Reading for Session 6

• Use the Skills: CTR, Stop Mind Reading, Clarify Expectations,

Explore the Iceberg

9:11-9:15 Closing Words and Prayer

Sample Schedule:

7:05-7:18 PP Welcome

PP Daily Office –Week 6: Day 3, Morning/Midday Office, pages 168-170.

Note: It is important that you give 2-3 minute introductions before you lead the

Daily Office each week. Suggestions for this can be found in the document:

Leading the Daily Office for The EH Discipleship Courses found in the Free

Resources tab called Silence, Stillness, and Leading the Daily Office.

7:18-7:20 PP Introduce the 8 Sessions. This Week is Session 6.

1. Take Your Community Temperature Reading

2. Stop Mind Reading and Clarify Expectations

3. Genogram Your Family

4. Explore the Iceberg

5. Listen Incarnationally

6. Climb the Ladder of Integrity

7. Fight Cleanly

8. Develop a “Rule of Life” to Implement Emotionally Healthy

Skills.

Read the introduction found on page 114 in your Workbook for Session 6.

7:20-7:30 PP Growing Connected Questions, pages 114-115

7:30-7:40 PP Bible Study. Read the introduction and Scripture text,

pages 115- 116.

7:40-8:00 Video: Climb the Ladder of Integrity (Be sure to encourage

people to follow along in their workbooks on pages 116-117).

8:00-8:15 PP Individual Activity (page 118)

While the workbook allows 4 minutes for this, we

recommend 15. The Power Point timer reflects the 4

minutes they take alone.

• Read the instructions for the individual activity aloud to the

entire group on page 118.

• Be sure they choose non-volatile issues. Give them 4

minutes alone to answer questions 1 and 2.

• Ask a few people to share aloud what they have written for

Session 6: Climb the Ladder of Integrity

number 2. This is important because if people don't get this

right, they will have trouble doing the rest of the Climb the

Ladder Skill. Be sure to familiarize yourself with the two

other examples found in Appendix E (pages 173-177).

8:15-8:30 PP Break

8:30-8:50 PP Partner Activity page 119

Read the instructions aloud before sending them off.

8:50-9:02 PP Small Group Sharing page 119

9:02-9:07 Video: Closing Summary

9:07-9:13 Optional Session Wrap-Up and Personal Action Step (page 120).

Give the table small groups 1-2 minutes for people fill out the Personal

Action Step. (Read it aloud for them before they begin.) If you have

time, give them a couple of minutes for Q and A at their tables.

9:13-9:14 PP Homework

• Use the Ladder of Integrity at least 1x this week.

• EH Relationships Day by Day: Week Six

• Pre-Session Reading for Session 7

• Keep using CTR /Stop Mind Reading/Clarify Expectations Mention

the Checklist on the last page of the Workbook, inviting people to

catch up on any Sessions, or parts of Sessions, they may have

missed.

9:14-9:15 Closing Words and Prayer

Our timer is set for 8-minutes and it is reset after the first person finishes

so that’s a total of 16 min for the two people to share.

Sample Schedule:

7:05-7:18 PP Welcome

PP Daily Office –Week 7: Day 1, Midday/Evening Office, pages 187-

188.

7:18-7:19 PP Introduce the 8 Sessions. This Week is Session 7.

1. Take Your Community Temperature Reading

2. Stop Mind Reading and Clarify Expectations

3. Genogram Your Family

4. Explore the Iceberg

5. Listen Incarnationally

6. Climb the Ladder of Integrity

7. Fight Cleanly

8. Develop a “Rule of Life” to Implement Emotionally Healthy

Skills.

Read (or summarize in your own words) the introduction found

on page 128 in your Workbook for Session 7.

7:19-7:29 PP Growing Connected Questions, page 129

7:29-7:42 PP Bible Study. Read the introduction and Scripture text,

pages 129- 130

7:42-7:47 Video: Fight Cleanly (Be sure to encourage people to follow

along in their workbooks on pages 130-131.)

7:47-7:50 PP Individual Activity: Dirty Fighting Tactics (page 131)

7:50-8:01 Resume Video: Wrong and Right Way to Fight Cleanly

(pages 132- 134)

8:01-8:15 PP Individual Activity pages (134-135). Time is given for you

to read the instructions before the Timer starts for them to fill

out Steps 1-4.

Session 7: Fight Cleanly

Note: It is important that you give 2-3 minute introductions before you lead the Daily

Office each week. Suggestions for this can be found in the document: Leading the

Daily Office for The EH Discipleship Courses found in the Free Resources tab called

Silence, Stillness, and Leading the Daily Office.

8:15-8:25 PP BREAK

8:25-8:50 PP Partner Activity: pages 134-135; Read the instructions.

Give 10 minutes for each person during this skill. Ask

someone to signal when it’s time for Speaker and Listener to

switch and reset the Timer.

8:50-9:00 Small Group Sharing (page 136)

9:00-9:03 Video: Closing Summary

9:03-9:07 Personal Action Step (page 137)

Give the table small groups 1-2 minutes for people fill out the Personal

Action Step. (Read it aloud for them before they begin).

9:07-9:11 1. Emphasize importance of next week!

You will learn how it all comes together and be given a structure to

make a long-term sustainable plan so this becomes a foundation for

your discipleship for the rest of your life

2. PP Loving People and Loving God can’t be separated.

Mention that EHR is only half of the Emotionally Healthy Discipleship

Courses and encourage them to sign-up for the Emotionally Healthy

Spirituality Course.

9:11-9:13 PP Homework

• Practice Fight Cleanly at least 1x

• Do EH Relationships Day by Day Week Seven

• Pre-Session Reading for Session 8

• Use the skills you’re learning

9:13-9:15 Closing Words and Prayer

Sample Schedule:

7:05-7:18 — PP Welcome

PP Daily Office –Week 8: Day 1, Morning/Midday Office, pages 213-214.

7:18-7:20 PP Introduce the 8 Sessions. This Week is Session 8.

1. Take Your Community Temperature Reading

2. Stop Mind Reading and Clarify Expectations

3. Genogram Your Family

4. Explore the Iceberg

5. Listen Incarnationally

6. Climb the Ladder of Integrity

7. Fight Cleanly

8. Develop a “Rule of Life” to Implement Emotionally

Healthy Skills.

Read (or summarize in your own words) the introduction found on

page 146 in your Workbook for Session 8.

7:20-7:30 PP Growing Connected Questions, pages 146-147. 5 min

each question. Make sure you signal for them to move to #2.

7:30-7:45 PP Bible Study. Read the introduction and Scripture text, page 147.

7:45-7:50 Video: Develop a Rule of Life to Implement EH Skills. Be sure

to encourage people to follow along in their workbooks on pages

148-150 (For those that have read EHS book you might want to note

that the Rule of Life diagram here looks different than the one in

the EHS book. The point is to create a structure or rhythm that

guides me in rooting the skills in my life).

7:50-8:10 PP Individual Activity (pages 150-152) – special contemplative time;

Take 5 minutes to read the questions aloud to the entire group so they

can pace their 15 minutes to respond prayerfully.

Session 8: Develop a Rule of Life to Implement EH Skills

Note: It is important that you give 2-3 minute introductions before you lead the

Daily Office each week. Suggestions for this can be found in the document: Leading

the Daily Office for The EH Discipleship Courses found in the Free Resources tab

called Silence, Stillness, and Leading the Daily Office.

8:10-8:20 PP Partner Activity (page 153) Give them 10 minutes in pairs,

each taking 5 minutes.

8:20-8:25 Video: Closing Summary. Be sure to point them to the notes on

pages 153-154.

8:25-8:35 PP BREAK

8:35-9:00 PP Final Group Time (page 154). This is an extremely important time

for the Table Groups as people share together. Workbook has 20 min.

here and we added another 5 minutes.

You may invite selected people to share with the large group,

completing the following sentence stem: As a result of this Course I am

beginning to realize….

9:00-9:07 Evaluation

We strongly encourage you also to do an evaluation in order to get

feedback and improve the Course the next time you teach it. A

Feedback Form can be found in the EH Relationships Free

Resources packet.

9:07-9:08 PP Homework

• EHR Day by Day Week Eight

• Begin implementing your ROL plan to integrate the skills in

your life.

9:08-9:13 Final remarks

There are many ways you can close the Course to celebrate the

accomplishment of completion for your class. You can share your

final remarks – hopes and wishes – along with any exhortation you

may want to make.

Be sure to point people to the Checklist in the back of the EH

Relationships workbook. Encourage them to begin checking off

where they are and to make up any missing segments. Use this time

to distribute Certificates of Completion.

9:13-9:15 Closing Prayer

Email sent between Week 1 and Week 2

Dear EH Relationships Course Participants,

It was such a joy to be with you last Tuesday night. I am particularly blessed by the

quality of your Table Leaders serving all of us!

Let me encourage you to do 2 things this week:

1. Don’t forget to practice the Community Temperature Reading 3x this week.

Practicing these skills is the key to long-term transformation. And this is the

foundational one upon which all the others build. You can download an explanation

of it and sample of Geri and I modeling it from our website. See below. We

encourage you to buy the EH Relationships DVD so you can watch each skill at home

again. It takes time to absorb them. (All profits go to support EH Discipleship

globally).

Community Temperature Reading:

www.emotionallyhealthy.org/freechapter

2. Watch this 7-minute video where I explain the Daily Office and how to use it:

What is the Daily Office and Why is it Needed?

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jPIU1FkYnw) This is especially important for

all of you who have not taken The Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Course.

Thanks so much. See you next week as we dig into Session 2: Clarify Expectations

and Stop Mind Reading.

Warmly,

Pete

WEEK 1 EMAIL FOLLOW UP

Email sent between Week 2 and Week 3

Dear EH Relationships Course Participants,

Dallas Willard contends that the primary place of our discipleship is not in church or

small groups but in our workplace, school, or home. He writes: “To not find your job

to be the primary place of discipleship is to automatically exclude a major part, if not

most, of your waking hours from life with him. The gospel turns your work into a

spiritual formation training center” (The Divine Conspiracy, p.285).

Let me encourage you to apply “Stop Mind Reading” and “Clarify Expectations”

each day as countless opportunities will inevitably present themselves to you. (And,

of course, don’t forget the CTR).

You remain in our prayers and hearts.

May God give you grace to slow down to be with Jesus, allowing Him to do a deep

work in you that will now manifest in all your relationships.

Blessings,

Pete

P.S. If you have not taken the 20 min. EH Discipleship Personal Assessment that

assesses if you are an emotional infant, child, adolescent or adult, do so here:

http://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/personal-assessment/. It would be good to take

it now and then after the Course is over to see your progress.

WEEK 2 EMAIL FOLLOW UP

Email sent between Week 3 and Week 4

Dear EH Relationships Course Participant,

Let me commend you for your hard work and courage in doing a genogram this past

Tuesday night. One of the great truths of life is this: You cannot change what you are

unaware of. However, once we acknowledge negative legacies from our past - her

power over us is diminished, if not broken.

Let me encourage you to do the following this week:

1. Offer your genogram to the light of Jesus during your Daily Office, allowing

Him to give your any further insight He has for you.

2. Read chapter 3 of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality – Going Back to Go Forward

– to provide several helpful ways to look at your genogram that we did not

have time to go into last night. Some of those pages are also in the packet you

picked up last night with readings for you.

3. Take time to reflect on page 170 of your EH Relationships Workbook that lays

out the biblical, healthy family commandments for our lives in the new family

of Jesus.

We are praying for you in 2 ways. First, that you might break the negative power of

your past, and secondly, that you may discover the hidden treasures God has for you

in even your painful past.

For as God promises through Isaiah: “I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored

in secret places” (Isaiah 45:3).

Blessings.

Pete

WEEK 3 EMAIL FOLLOW UP

Email sent between Week 4 and Week 5

Dear EH Relationships Course Participant,

Thank you again for an outstanding evening on Tuesday night. I believe we

experienced a great introduction to “Explore the Iceberg” and why learning to feel

is so essential to becoming fully human and alive in Christ.

Let me encourage you again to take 10-15 minutes, at least twice this week, to do a

“feeling workout.” Again, you were created to feel, and, like a physical workout, you

will find it easier and natural with time.

I trust you have picked up the booklet that provides readings from the various EHS

books that correspond to each of the topics in the Course. The most important

reading around feelings is found in Geri’s chapter 4, “Quit Denying Anger, Sadness,

and Fear,” from The Emotionally Healthy Woman. This is our fullest, best treatment of

this past week’s topic. I highly recommend you read it this week.

Irenaeus, a 2

century bishop, once wrote: “The glory of God is a living human

being; and the life of human beings consists in beholding God.” Our prayer is that

these words may become more of your experience this coming week.

Blessings,

Pete

WEEK 4 EMAIL FOLLOW UP

Email sent between Week 5 and Week 6

Dear EH Relationships Course Participant,

If there was ever a time to apply what you are learning in this course, it is during this

election week. Let me encourage you to apply all the skills you have learned in the

midst of the different challenging conversations happening around us:

• The Community Temperature Reading (“I’m puzzled! I notice and I

prefer”)

• Stop Mind Reading (lot of that going on right now)

• Clarify Expectations

• Explore the Iceberg (I have been doing that a lot this week, especially

around anger, sadness, and fear) and seeking to discern God’s voice in

the process).

• Speaking and Incarnational Listening. Speaking honestly, respectfully,

clearly and timely is very important right now. I think the word respect

is most important.

Most importantly, let me encourage you to practice Incarnational Listening at least

twice before we meet next Tuesday. Again, this is core skill of the Course and the

core to loving well.

Jean Vanier, founder of L’Arche, said it best: Love is to reveal to someone: “you are

beautiful and you have value.” Here is an outstanding interview with him you may

enjoy:

http://www.americamagazine.org/content/all-things/god-chooses-despised-

interview-2015-templeton-prize-laureate-jean-vanier

And we may be known as great lovers, and listeners, for the sake of His name and

glory. See you next Tuesday night.

Blessings.

Pete

WEEK 5 EMAIL FOLLOW UP

Email sent between Week 6 and Week 7

Dear EH Relationships Course Participant,

Last week’s theme – The Ladder of Integrity –was the most challenging skill we have

learned thus far. Why? It requires good self-awareness and builds on a number of

skills we have learned thus far (e.g. Explore the Iceberg, Genogram your Family,

Clarify Expectations, CTR with “I notice and I prefer.”)

Let me invite you to watch this excellent, well-developed example of a person

Climbing the Ladder that we did at our Emotionally Healthy Leadership Conference

three years ago-- https://youtu.be/9xv5UvHWOiE It is based on a real life example

of Phil Varghese with another staff around a work issue.

Also, read Geri’s The Emotionally Healthy Woman for a full development around the

level of integrity and differentiation we are seeking to embody as Christ- followers

at New Life.

Excited for next week on “Clean Fighting!”

Blessings.

Pete

WEEK 6 EMAIL FOLLOW UP

Email sent between Week 7 and Week 8

Dear EH Relationships Course Participant,

I was especially aware last week that we were dealing with the greatest indicator of

a spiritually/emotionally mature adult – the skill of Clean Fighting. Why? The true

peace of Christ’s kingdom in our homes, workplaces, friendship, or church requires

we replace lies and pretense with the truth and light of Jesus.

Let me invite you again to re-read and pray through the 15 qualities of an

emotionally mature Christian outlined on page 178 in your workbook. And let me

also recommend you read chapter 7 in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality called “Grow

into an Emotionally Mature Adult” as a great summary of this Course

This Tuesday we will practice again two key skills that are foundational to how we do

relationships in the new family of Jesus at New Life – the Community Temperature

Reading and Clarify Expectations. Then we will help you make an action plan for

your next steps on how you will implement these powerful tools into your life. We

will conclude with a blessing as we send you out in His name.

Looking forward to seeing you Tuesday night,

Pete

WEEK 7 EMAIL FOLLOW UP

Email sent after the final meeting in Week 8

Dear EH Relationships Course Participants,

I want to thank you for a wonderful 8 weeks together. We pray and trust that it will

serve as the beginning of a paradigm shift of how you love God, yourself, and

others. Let me close with 3 invitations for you as you launch out with these new tools:

• Practice the Skills. They will change your life. Geri and I, armed with

only one skill in 1996 (Incarnational Listening), transformed our

marriage and lives. Perhaps better said is that God transformed our

lives. But we made a commitment to practice it at least twice a week.

• Plan to attend The Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (EHS) portion

of the course that begins January 31, 2017. For us at NLF it is these 2

portions of the EH Discipleship Course that provide the base of how

we do discipleship and life together. See this outstanding video on

How EHS deeply transforms lives for a glimpse of the kind of life

change you can expect.

• Consider getting The Emotionally Healthy Leader eBook

(https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Healthy-Leader-Transforming-

Transform-ebook/dp/B00PFC9MR0/). If you jump to the chapter

“Culture and Team Building,” you will notice I apply the material from

The EH Relationships Course to the building teams and work cultures.

Again, thank you for your courage and willingness to allow Jesus into your life and

relationships. You remain in my/our prayers.

Blessings to you,

Pete (and Geri)

WEEK 8 EMAIL FOLLOW UP

Sample PowerPoints for EH Relationships

Below is a link to download a sample PowerPoint deck for leading the EH

Relationships Course. Follow the instructions to download this.

How to Download the EHR Sample

PPT:

1. Click here

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/8d71m

naq4qjle4u/AADLFJPAJ25-

isuiGYse4kela?dl=0

2. Select Download in the upper right-

hand corner

Emotionally Healthy Relationships Feedback Form

As a result of this course, I am beginning to realize…

How would you rate the elements of this course on a scale of 1 (lowest) to 5

(highest)?

A specific comment, along with your number, sheds even greater light.

• Session 1: Introduction and Community Temperature Reading (CTR)

Comment:

• Session 2: Stop Mind Reading and Clarify Expectations

Comment:

• Session 3: Genogram Your Family

Comment:

• Session 4: Explore the Iceberg

Comment:

• Session 5: Incarnational Listening

Comment:

• Session 6: Climb the Ladder of Integrity

Comment:

• Session 7: Fight Cleanly

Comment:

• Session 8: Develop a Rule of Life to Implement Emotionally Healthy Skills

Comment:

Emotionally Healthy Relationships Feedback Form

What were your “rhythms” with God before the EH Relationships course?

Describe any progress you have made.

What was most valuable to you during the course? Why?

What could have been more helpful? How could it have been more helpful?

What else would you like to share with us that can help us improve the next time

we offer the EH Relationships course?

TABLE LEADER FEEDBACK FORM

EH Relationships Course

Name_________________________

1. There are many moving parts of the EHR Course: Day by Day, workbook content, timing,

enforcing guidelines, group dynamics, up front instruction, snacks, follow-up contact,

homework, etc. In your experience as a Table Leader, what felt:

o Right?

o Missing?

o Confusing?

2. What was your greatest challenge? Greatest joy?

3. What further training could you have used in your role as a Table Leader? (e.g. handling

specific situations with people/group – cell phone usage, table member not talking, etc.)

4. Is there anyone from your group you would recommend for a testimony for Day by Day or

EHR impact?

5. Is there anyone from your group you would recommend for future TL apprenticeship and

training?

6. Is there anything else we can help with, or suggestions you might have?

CERTIFICATE

of COMPLETION

for completing The Emotionally Healthy Relationships Course which includes

completing the Workbook, working through the Day-By-Day resource,

and experiencing the eight training sessions.

awarded to

signed

Pete Scazzero

Founder, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

date

Silence, Stillness & The Daily Office in EH Relationships

In this section of the EH Relationships resources packet, you will find resources for leading

the Daily Office at the beginning of each session of EH Relationships.

These resources include:

• 13 tips for leading the Daily Office each week

• A Silence & Stillness card PDF. This can be printed as a double-sided document

onto card stock and cut into wallet-sized cards that should be distributed to

participants at the beginning of the course.

• Top Ten FAQs about Silence & Stillness. This document addresses the top

questions we have received about the role of silence and stillness and how to

incorporate silence and stillness into your life. This can be helpful not only for your

instruction, but also as a resource to answer questions you may hear as you lead

the course.

• Video Resources for Silence & Stillness. Find videos that address the topic of

silence and stillness and how to lead the Daily Office.

Please make yourself familiar with these resources before leading EH Relationships. Your

Course Coach can answer any questions or provide additional direction as needed.

Introduction:

Each week of The EH Spirituality or EH Relationships Course, you will be faced with the

task of leading a Daily Office. The spiritual practice of silence and stillness is the most

difficult part of the Courses for most people. Thus, it is important that you prepare little

teachings/coachings for the 1-3 minutes you will have before you do the Office. The

following list gives topics and themes I use for those 1-3 minutes. The first two are

what I always use to begin each Course, using the “Silence and Stillness card” as a

base for them. Of course, you can come up with your own to add to my list.

****There is also a YouTube video with my introducing the Daily Office for you to

show or to send to people to watch from our YouTube page. We encourage you to

send it to people after (or even before) your first week when you meet. See the video

here: https://youtu.be/huOZFpsviMU.

1. Focus – to be with Jesus. Personal Relationship. Silence and Stillness

Guidelines Card – (included in this packet). Read through the 4 Guidelines,

focusing on how normal it is that our mind wanders, and we find ourselves

distracted. This ancient practice of choosing a simple prayer (1-4 words) to

help us return to being still before the Lord has been used globally for

centuries to help prayers quiet the many distractions that fill our mind, so we

can focus on being with God.

2. Focus – to be with Jesus. Personal Relationship (again). Silence and Stillness

Guidelines Card – Review the 4 guidelines again and add the 3 goals found on

the opposite side of the card: 1) We receive His love; 2) We let go and

surrender our will to His will; 3) We open ourselves to hear God speak.

3. Focus: Be with Jesus. Guilt/Shame. 95% of us live in shame and guilt when it

comes to our prayer life or devotions. (e.g. I don’t pray enough. How does God

feel about me? e.g. Disappointed, frustrated, sad, angry). God is delighted that

you showed up at all. His love for you – without strings – whether you pray the

Offices or not. Delights in you.

4. Focus: The goal is not to get though the whole Office (the problem of

perfectionism vs. grace). Our goal is to meet Jesus. Give examples: “If you

have 5 minutes for the afternoon office, what do you need? Is it to quiet your

mind and spirit which is agitated? Do you need silence or the devotional or

Scripture? Do whatever will help you connect and abide in Jesus. Savor the 5

minutes and don’t rush through the whole Office. We don't get extra points

from Jesus for getting through it all!

Leading the Daily Office at The EH Discipleship Course

5. Focus: 10 FAQ’s. The newest editions of each of the Day by Day books

have 10 FAQ’s in the back. You may want to highlight one or two or read

them all, having participants circle which of the FAQ’s speak to them the

most.

6. Focus: Talk about rhythms and Compline which is now in the back of each

Day by Day book. Encourage people to end their day with Jesus – even if is

just for a few moments. The rhythm of starting and ending each day with Jesus

is a powerful way to practice His presence all through the day.

7. Focus: Growing up and maturing into adults. The Daily Office, particularly

silence and stillness, marks a great shift in our relationship with God. We

move from only speaking to God to listening, to a two-way relationship.

Imagine being in a relationship with someone where they only talk to you but

never listen! A mature relationship with someone requires listening/being

with the person and not simply talking. Remember, a major analogy of our

relationship with God is marriage.

8. Focus: A visual picture of resting in the Father’s love. Put up on a Power

Point Rembrandt’s painting of The Prodigal Son. The Office is a time for us to

lean our head against the Father’s chest and let His hands and love rest upon

us.

9. Focus: The deepest yearning of our hearts. We all yearn for love, notice,

and acceptance from people. That is God-given and good. But we first are to

get that deep need met from God and not, inappropriately, borrow that love

from others. God alone can satisfy the deepest yearnings of our heart.

During the silence and stillness, we stop and let him love us so as not to

borrow from others.

10. Focus: Distinguish between exterior silence and interior silence. We can

experience interior silence when at the beauty salon, on the bus, driving a

car, at a baseball game, or at work. The practice of exterior silence helps us

mature into our ability to live in greater interior silence.

11. Focus: Abiding in Jesus is our goal (John 15). Our goal with the Offices is

not to stop but to practice His presence all through the day, to abide/remain

with Jesus, remembering Him all through our days. Most of us live

compartmentalized lives, thinking of God only in church, small groups, etc.

We are growing muscles to remain in Him, and pray always (Eph. 6:18).

12. Focus: Prayer is receiving the loving gaze of God on us (He is pictured as

Abba/ Father in Scripture and as a loving mother). e.g. Every day at his

lunch break, John would go and sit in an empty church for 15 minutes by

himself. One day, a co-worker asked him what he was doing. His reply, “Just

hanging out with Jesus.”

13. Focus: Getting in shape. If you are out of shape physically and try to jog

for 30 minutes, you will be exhausted. Why? You are out of shape. Each of us is

created by God to have a dimension of our relationship with Him that includes

silence and stillness. The reason we put 2 minutes here to begin and end each

Office is to help get you started. You may choose more or less time. This is

meant to be a jumpstart to reawaken those dormant muscles. That is why this is

so hard initially. But you will find, over time, that is becomes easier with less

distractions in your head.

Top Ten FAQs about Practicing Silence

1. Why is practicing silence so hard?

Most of us have never practiced being silent. Imagine having never exercised

your entire life and then trying to sprint a mile. It would be very difficult. Over

time, however, it would get much easier. The same is true when it comes to

exercising the spiritual muscle that enables you to pay attention to God through

silence.

Remember, it is God who commands us to be still in his presence (Psalm 37:7,

46:10). This means God has also given us the capacity to attend to him in this

way. In fact, every human being has a contemplative dimension that actually

longs for silence with God. A relationship with God requires we stop talking all

the time so we can develop the capacity to simply enjoy being with him.

2. How is spending time in silence different from Eastern meditation,

New Age practices, or secular programs on mindfulness?

We should not be surprised that other religions utilize the practice of silence.

Many other faiths also have communal worship, sacred texts or scriptures, and

spiritual disciplines, etc.. The significant difference between Christian

meditation and other kinds of meditation is that we are not attempting to empty

our minds into nothingness or to achieve an altered state of consciousness.

Instead, we practice silence to focus our minds on God and to spend time in his

presence. This type of prayer is not new or New Age. Its roots extend as far

back in Scripture as Moses and Elijah, continue into the New Testament with

John the Baptist and Jesus, and have persisted throughout more than 2,000

years of Christian history. In silence we are simply being with the God of

Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Moreover, this kind of prayer is part of our larger

prayer life that includes worship, confession, petitions, etc.

3. Why should I practice silence every day? Isn’t once or twice a year on retreat

enough? In silence our aim is to be with God. As Thomas Keating has said so well.

silence expresses our intent to surrender our will to God’s presence and action.

Practicing silence is about cultivating our personal relationship with God.

Top Ten FAQs About Practicing Silence

4. How much time should I spend silence each day?

I used to recommend beginning with two minutes a day (see Emotionally Healthy

Spirituality Day by Day). But lately I’ve been recommending that people start with

five minutes a day and slowly increase the time until they are spending fifteen to

twenty minutes each day in silence. The Centering Prayer ministry (filled with great

resources) recommends twenty minutes twice a day—once in the morning and

once in the evening. My practice is to spend 20 minutes in silence as part of my

morning office. For me, early morning—before the activities of the day begin—is

best, but that is not possible for everyone. I also integrate briefer times (one to ten

minutes) of silence during my midday and evening offices.

5. What can I do when my mind wanders?

This is the number-one challenge for most people. You are not alone! Our

minds can wander 100 times in a five-minute period! Here are the three things

I do when my mind wanders. First, before entering silence, I spend time

reading Scripture, a devotional passage, or writing in a journal if I have a lot

on my mind. This helps to focus and settle my thoughts before I begin my time

of silence. Second, when my thoughts wander, I redirect my attention to my

breathing, focusing on both inhalation and exhalation as gifts of God.

Focusing on the rhythm of breathing in and out is a practice used quite a bit

among Orthodox Christians and is commonly talked about in secular settings

as a tool for developing “mindfulness.” And finally, I focus on one word, such

as “Abba” or “Jesus” to refocus my conscious thoughts on Christ. This helps to

keep me anchored in him.

6. I don’t have a quiet place at home or at work. What do I do?

It is possible to experience interior silence even when we are unable to have

exterior silence. Believe it or not, I have practiced silence in such noisy

places as Times Square, subway trains, city buses, airplanes, stairwells, park

benches, highway rest stops, my car, on the beach, and empty church

buildings. I know schoolteachers who use closets, sanitation workers who

used their trucks, and students who use libraries.

7. What would help me to grow in this practice?

I sometimes light a candle as a symbol of Christ’s presence with me. I use the

timer on my phone each morning, setting it for twenty minutes. Scripture is a

core component of my time with God—either before or after my time of silence.

Meditating on, memorizing, studying, and reading Scripture has become so

much richer for me as I have created ample space to be still. I also have a

special chair I use in my office, giving me a sense of sacred space that is

set apart.

8. Am I doing it wrong if I don’t I hear God speak when I am silent?

The goal of spending time in silence is not necessarily to hear from God but to

be with God. When I spend time in silence, I am not looking for guidance,

though it often comes. However, I do find that God says a lot when I am quiet!

Part of maturing in Christ is not judging the quality of our time with him based

on how we feel. The goal is to be with Jesus, not to have a “feel good”

experience. And the benefits of spending time in silence go beyond the time

itself. For example, greater awareness of God and ourselves throughout the

day, feeling more centered and less triggered, having a deeper sense of

peacefulness, etc. Just showing up to consistently be with Jesus in silence is an

expression of trust and dependence on him. That is means you are definitely

doing it right.

9. What do I do if I don’t have enough time and feel rushed?

I adjust to the time I have allotted. For example, if I have only ten minutes for midday

prayer, I structure the limited time I have based on what I need in order to commune

with Jesus. This may include more or less silence, reading of Scripture, etc. The goal

is not to “get through” a reading or the time set aside for silence. Our aim is to be

with Jesus with whatever time we have.

10. I practiced silence for a while but I got bored and quit.

Like any other practice in life, you will find your way over time. There is a great deal

to learn about the interior movements of your heart and silence with God. Getting

started is often the most difficult step, much like starting a exercise routine or any

other new habit that requires some planning and effort. However, if you stick with it,

chances are you will wonder—as have so many others before you—how you ever

lived without it. I encourage you begin by looking at the Centering Prayer website

materials of Thomas Keating, and the resources found at The Transforming Center.

And I would encourage you to look up the many evangelical authors who are now

writing on the integration of contemplative spirituality within a Protestant

theological framework.

Video Resources for Silence & Stillness

We’ve created several video tutorials for practicing silence and

stillness and leading others through silence and stillness. To access

these, click on the Vimeo link below and use the password provided

when prompted.

View video tutorials on:

• Be Still: The Power of Silence and Stillness

• How to Lead the Day by Day with Your Course Group

• EH Day by Day: A 40-Day Journey with the Daily Office

• What is the Daily Office and Why is it Needed?

How to View the Videos:

1. Copy the password below

Password: EHD-SILENCE

2. Click here

https://vimeo.com/album/5061158

3. Enter the password when

prompted

Marketing Materials

The following section contains a link to access promotional materials for EH

Relationships, including several promotional videos.

These videos can be used to promote EH Relationships to leadership and / or your

congregation.

60 
 
© 2019 
 Resources for Marketing EH Relationships 
 
Download a customizable full-page EH Relationships flier  
 
CLICK HERE: 
https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/wp-
content/uploads/2018/08/full_page_ehr_promo_customizabl
e.docx  
 
Download a customizable EH Relationships postcard:  
 
CLICK HERE: 
https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/wp-
content/uploads/2018/08/EHR_promocard_generic-003.docx

Videos for Marketing EH Relationships

We’ve created several videos to promote the EH Relationships

Course. To access these, click on the Vimeo link below and use the

password provided when prompted.

View video tutorials on:

• 2-Minute Intro - The EH Relationships Course

• The Power of the EH Relationships Course

How to View the Videos:

1. Copy the password below

Password:

EHD-MARKETING

2. Click here

https://vimeo.com/album/5061173

3. Enter the password when

prompted

Thank you!

We want to thank you for embarking on this radical journey toward emotionally

healthy discipleship.

We pray that as you implement the EH Discipleship Course within your church and

organization that you will see:

• A discipleship framework that truly connects people to Jesus.

• People moving from being consumers and spectators to disciples who

make disciples of others.

• Healthy community where your people don’t wear masks and conflicts get

resolved.

• Leaders developed, who then become pillars in your church that you can

count on.

May we, by God’s grace, bring to the church a revolution in discipleship that

deeply changes people for the sake of Jesus’ glory in the world!

Warmest,

Pete Scazzero & the EH Discipleship Team

P.S. If you have any questions about the materials included in this packet, please

reach out to your Course Coach. They will be happy to assist you in launching and

leading the EH Discipleship Course.